Since being diagnosed with bipolar following a breakdown and course of ECT early July, resting and recovering is beginning to take its toll. The recovery is taking forever and the resting is unbelievably boring beyond words. However there has been a huge breakthrough in finding a happy medium from the unbelievable high's and the devastating lows. And my loss of memory is no longer as bad as that I had no clue that Pixar had created a Toy Story 3 much less remembering seeing it. So good news there.
But how can I control this ball of anxiety which comes out of nowhere, lasts for hours and makes me feel as nervous as the next American Idol contestant performing for Simon Cowell? To say that this ball bounces up as far as my throat, pumping the pulse in my neck so hard is an understatement. Much as I try to figure what or who can trigger these episodes, there is no pattern or particular reason for them to occur from nowhere. The pulse in my neck is making my head throb which is making me nauseous which keeps the ball bouncing ...... over and over and no amount of reasoning or questioning will make it go or even help me think straight.
The handful of drugs controls the moods but the anxiety is now getting bigger and worse by the day, it's affecting my confidence that affects my recovery, which causes the endless boredom and so it goes... round and round like a Ferris wheel that I seriously want to get off but the ride hasn't finished.
TV Series that I recall watching during this whole sorry episode to help pass the time are as follows:
Mad Men -1/2/ 3 series
Greys Anatomy - 5/6 series
Lipstick Jungle - 1/2 series
Damages - 1/2 series
"Damages" brings me to Glenn Close who reminds me of Michael Douglas and that I rewatched the classic Wall Street over the weekend this being to set me up for Money Never Sleeps which sorted out my insomnia for one night! Thank you to Oliver Stone, maybe trying another of his movies will sort out tonight’s lack of ZZzzz’s…….